As many of you may already know I AM GETTING MARRIED. In exactly 166 days to be exact. YES ME! It has been almost two months and it still does not feel quite real yet!
Many people who know me well, know that marriage, and dating were the furthest things from my mind. It wasn't that I didn't want it (I DID), but for the longest I craved it in an unhealthy way. I used to use relationships to validate me, and my worth. ALL of this was before I really gave my life to Christ. Once I did, I was completely devoted to that. I was on my head in the bible, don't-talk-to-me-if-it's-not-about-God status. And while it was quite extreme, I needed to be in that season where God was the only thing I was focused on. After all… I had neglected Him for so many years.
Make no mistake- I was FAR from perfect during this process. There were many lonely nights,and numerous times I entertained people and conversations that I had no business entertaining. There was a never ending stream of people in my ear telling me to "date just for fun" or that I was going to be "single forever" if I didn't get up, get out and meet people. I tried it. I entertained. I smiled. IT NEVER WORKED. Shallow convo left me feeling empty. It honestly felt like a waste of time. I remember on several occasions praying for the people I went out with (talk about an awkward way to end a date, lol). But seriously- God had SOMEONE so much greater in mind.
I once heard a quote that says "One day, you will find someone who shows you why it never worked with anyone else," and while it sounded so amazing for somebody, I could never imagine that for me.
Now, I know at this point many people are expecting me to say that one day i woke up and God showed me a man and said "This is it; This is your husband." Negative. In fact, it might have been the opposite. God had Josh and I love each other as friends first. We had both been hurt and needed to be healed from the inside out. I wasn't looking for love, and neither was he. We were both trying to figure out our next step in the Journey of ourselves as individuals. It just so happened that our paths crossed during this process and, oddly enough, we clicked and we talked all the time… ALL the time. I remember praying one night for him to not like me, because it just wasn't the time, lol. As if I knew timing better than God did. I can also recall when I first started liking him, and during this whole process staying in prayer, never wanting to revert to old ways of helping myself, and stepping outside of His will.
But it was His Will. As friendship turned to courting, and as courting turned into ENGAGEMENT, it brings me here. It brings us here, on the Journey to WE. Two imperfect beings, flawed completely, loving each other the best way we know how. As we embark on this journey I know our story has finally just begun….PART 1.
