I have been in an identity crisis with me.
For the longest, I have been trying to figure out exactly who I am; always trying to define myself by my occupation. Like, maybe if I do amazing things it will make me amazing by default. Honestly, I have kept the “real” me on serious lockdown… maximum security some might say. This is true with even the ones closest to me. Many people know of me, but don’t KNOW me, and up until last week that has been more than okay with me. When someone would ask me to tell them about myself I would automatically start going into what I do. “I do prison ministry,” “I go to skid row,” and “I was in the army”. All of those things would stir up conversation and prevent people from ever actually getting to know me. Eventually I did it for so long that I wasn’t even sure who I was.
I had lost all my identity in the things I did.
So……Who am I?
Somewhere in between trying to create and protect Jess, I lost her.
I was so busy trying to convince people that I was a “new me” that I lost the core of me. I lost all of the things that have made me unusual, quirky, and not quite fit in. I noticed that along the way I started tweaking my differences to make them a little more normal. I abandoned my destiny and let myself down. Most importantly, I couldn’t really give God complete glory. The one who created me like this. He is the one who wants to use me despite my imperfections.
So now, the gloves are off. No more sugar coated, trying to be normal, wanting to "look like” the ideal Christian Jess. No more fluffy, happy all the time facebook statuses. No more hollow blog posts. I owe it to the one who saved me to be REAL. My salvation is real, my Jesus is real, and my purpose is real. NO fluff required.
Its time for people to know ME.
