In prayer, i asked God how my life could help lead people to Christ. How my wrong doings and insecurities could change lives. He simply told me "tell them how you were set free, better yet tell them how I set you free.
Most people don't know this about me,But I was locked up most of my life. On and off for almost 19 years. Shocking right ? Some would think,that there is a way you can spot an ex-prisoner. But honestly many of us are around them on a daily basis and don't even know it.
In prison, you have a loss of freedom. A loss of choice. You are kind of just going thru the motions . Hopelessness ,depression,and fear are just a few of the feelings you experience every single day. Imagine,someone having the key to your freedom. Someone telling you that you are so far gone,that your choices have been so bad,that your sin is so great that you don't deserve to be free. Sometimes you are in prison until your time is served and then you get to return back into the world for another chance. But other times you will stay locked up until the day that you die. Never being able to reach your full potential or destiny.
Each prison bar of my cell resembled every negative thing in my life. The hurt,the labels the world tried to put on me,The years of feeling worthless. The fear of love. The feeling of never being good enough,pretty enough,strong enough, and smart enough. They resembled every negative word spoken to me,over me,and about me. They resembled every thing that i spoke over myself. Over the years what was just one bar turned into 5, and before I knew it I was completely locked up. Every where I turned and everything I did, kept reminding me of how short I constantly fell. If you would have asked me to name one good thing about myself or my life..I would not have had an answer for you.
I knew something was missing. I knew there was a God, but didn't know the first clue as to how to have any type of relationship with him. One day i decided that I was going to try to pray, i told the lord that i needed to hear from him,in anyway possible. It was then that i realized that Until you completely make Jesus the lord of your life you will always be a prisoner of sin. The mental bars that sin puts on your mind are way worse than anything that can happen in the physical. True freedom in Christ has nothing to do with your location. There are people in county jail who will be more free than some of us wondering the earth. True freedom is ONLY found in Christ. So although my body was never in a cell my mind was locked up and sending,Me straight to hell.
It took me, being in complete desperation, in a fight for my life to sit in the last row of my church (in his presence) to completely tell God that I could not do it without him. I told him that I trusted him. That was all he ever wanted. For us to choose him. God doesn't want us imprisoned or enslaved. He doesn't want us hurt and most importantly he doesn't want us spending eternity away from him. We are his children.
I have been completely free since 2010. That doesn't mean that I don't sin,or fall short. It is a daily battle,but one that I am winning since Jesus became the Lord of my life. I've learned the importance of sharing your testimony. That no matter what you have been delivered from there is someone who is going thru the same thing and needs to see that those prison bars do have a key and you won't always be locked up in sin. I wish I could tell you that it was easy,or quick... Can't do that. What I can say is that every tear is worth it.The struggle to stay in the word is worth it. GOD is worth it.
I AM AN EX-PRISONER, I HAVE BEEN SET FREE..and I will spend the rest of my life making sure that people behind bars (mental and physical) know that freedom is an option and with God,it is the only one.
