I don’t know much about ‘How to heal”. In fact, it has been
during my process of healing that I have learned that there is no manual of how
this is supposed to work. I am simply passing on knowledge as I go. What I do
know, is that when you are healing from relationship hurt, it is so important to
get people around you who are dedicated to your growth, who won’t let you use your
past as an excuse and who above all else want you to heal.
1) Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you
are healed.
Long after forgiveness takes place, your
healing continues. Healing isn’t a one stop shop. From my experience, that was
a common mistake. I found myself wondering why I forgave them but didn’t “feel
healed”. Forgiveness plays a huge part of our healing, but it should not be
confused with your healing being complete. Healing is not a destination you
reach after X amount of days have passed. It is nasty work, just like forgiving.
(Oh, and forgiving is a whole other topic within its self.)
2) Heal the root. (WARNING: This most
likely is not just the current circumstance)
One of the most uncomfortable things I am
learning during this process is that you may not need healing for what you
think you need healing from. Sure, it may be part of the problem but after prayer
you may find out that the reason you need to heal from this situation was
because you never healed from the last one. Or the one before that, and…the one
before that. My counselor told me to keep digging. You are not supposed to stop
when it gets uncomfortable. When your roots are damaged you must tend to them
so that the rest of you can bloom. Surface healing is no kind of healing at
all.
3) Revenge doesn’t help, neither does
ill wishes. (Believe me I know)
You will not feel better if the person who
did you wrong life becomes miserable once you eliminate yourself from the picture.
Not only will you not feel better, but you will not heal. Also, fake wishes of “I
wish you the best” don’t help if they are not genuine. If you ever find
yourself basing your healing off whether someone is doing well without you, you
are going in the wrong direction. How they cope, or don’t cope with you being
gone has nothing to do with your healing. And though a tire slashing or begging
God that they get punished may feel good in the moment you are not walking away
any more whole than when you started.
To be continued....
