And I’m not supposed to.
I have been married for almost three months and certain questions don’t even need answers anymore. Nothing can really prepare you for getting married. I mean, of course, there is prayer and getting advice from other married couples, pre-marital counseling etc. But no marriage is the same. It’s kind of like reading the baby books before your child is born; they are talking about a child, but not your baby specifically. Advice is great, and I cherish the married couples who pour into us- we have grown and are better people because of it- but I am slowly learning that the best thing for us is literally just doing life together. That is how most of our questions get answered.
During the first month it was very much the newlywed phase. Everything was (and still is) so new. He was ALL UP in my space, and I was all in his. No one told me that you actually have to set aside “me” time once you get married. In the beginning Josh and I both experienced the same thing. We had both moved from our parents' houses which were FULL of people, and so it was an automatic, “where is everyone? “ kind of feeling.
I won’t say the excitement dies down, because it doesn’t. I am still excited to wake up next to my husband. The excitement, however, does change form. There is no more wedding planning. There is no more counting down to THE BEST DAY of our lives. We had to create a “new normal” and let our actual marriage be the excitement that we looked forward to daily.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned so far is that life still happens. The world doesn’t stop because Josh and I want to just be newlyweds and relax. Bills need to be paid, and everyday life is, well…life.
Being a newlywed is not easy. It's two people from two (very different for us) walks of life. We do things differently. I am a very straight to the point person. ‘Oh you’re mad? Why?” He isn’t. He like to think about it for hours and it drives me CRAZY lol. I am saying all of this to say- I had to learn to not be alarmed by the differences we have, but instead embrace the fact that our common denominator is love... A tip I know will be helpful as months turn to years, and “Us” turns into a family.
Before marriage you have an idea of what it is- well let me tell you now. If you are not married you need to be well aware that it will most likely not be that. Doesn’t mean it will be better or worse, but it won’t be THAT.
I am learning every day to not question every disagreement, to go to God when I don’t know what to do or say, and to reach out to other married women (because 9 times out of 10 they have experienced a similar issue).
There is no fairytale marriage: I do a lot of cooking, but it's not like some huge breakfast every morning, and most of the time breakfast [for me] is a bar on the way out the door. Lunch is most likely left overs from previous meals cooked, and I am not in the kitchen for 3 hours a night whipping up a restaurant savvy meal. And that’s okay. Because the real joy of being married is being with that person. Whether it's eating cereal for dinner on the floor (because we don’t have a table yet), playing monopoly to 5am when we know we both have work in a few hours, or being in separate rooms so we both can have “ private time” and do something we love that the other person may not.
So, as I lay in my bed and watch my choice of ratchet tv, and he is in the living room practicing piano, I realize that we are doing just fine, in a not normal, very normal kind of way. <3
