Lately, I have been pondering about what it means to be content. Sometimes I get into these deep conversations with God, asking him if I am just going through the motions of life, or if I am actually living. Lately, I have been feeling like I am not good, or bad... but a healthy middle. I am realizing that I am living a life of being content.
I looked up the meaning of content:
"To be in a state of peaceful happiness."
"He seemed more content, less bitter."
Synonyms: satisfied, pleased, gratified, fulfilled, happy, cheerful, glad, unworried, untroubled, at ease.
I read it and thought, oh that isnt bad, this is me. But for some reason something just didn't sit right. I kept feeling that me being content in multiple areas of my life was causing me to be complacent, stagnant, or lazy.
In the movie "Whiplash" the teacher tells his student:
"There are no two words in the English language more harmful than 'good job.'"
I realized that was what I was feeling. A life full of good jobs; so many good jobs, in fact, that I never aimed for anything other than good. I mean, it makes sense right? There isnt any thing wrong with good. If you can go through your life being good at everything, you will in turn have a good life.
I realized that somewhere in the midst of good things, I had stopped trying to have a great life, because good was good enough.
One day I just woke up and decided I didn’t want another good thing in my life. I want AMAZING. And even if it isn't there, I want to constantly strive for that line above good.
Watching the Olympics, something occurred to me; making it to the Olympics is an accomplishment within itself. Getting a medal, that's even better, but not one person there hasn't worked towards the goal of gold and even if they fall short and are proud of whatever medal place they took... the goal is to always be gold.
So, I have made a vow to myself. To go for the gold in all areas: to strive to be the best wife, manager, student, teacher, mentee, mentor that I can. I promised myself that I would never settle for just being good again. I promised myself that i would never let good be the goal.
I do want to live a content life, but I want to be content in my greatness.
I've got work to do.
